« For a child, the announcement of their parents' divorce is a genuine break from the life they have known until now. It is the parents' role to ensure the child's safety and to make them understand that they are not the cause of the parents' separation », says Terry Pomerantz.
Announcing the divorce to your partner: Preparing the discussion
Very often, one of the partners decides to end the union without the other sharing the same sentiment. This is why the announcement of the intention to divorce should be filled with respect and kindness rather than blame.
To announce your intention to divorce to your partner, you should:
- be sure of your decision,
- anticipate the reactions and emotions of your partner and be prepared to face them,
- choose a calm moment and a discreet place where you are unlikely to be interrupted,
- allow your partner time to react and express their emotions,
- inform your partner that you wish to divorce amicably and minimize the consequences for the children as much as possible.
Announcing the divorce to children
Parents must adopt a reassuring tone when announcing their intention to separate to their children. According to Terry Pomerantz, « Parents must inform their children that even if they have decided not to live together anymore, they will always be there for them. The child must understand that they will not lose their mom or dad and that their parents will never stop loving them. »
Here are some tips for announcing the separation to your children:
- Do not wait until the last moment to inform your children,
- Reassure them that you will continue to love them despite the separation,
- If the partners make the announcement separately, they should ensure they describe the situation in the same way,
- Use simple phrases and reassuring gestures,
- Avoid disparaging the other during the announcement,
- Keep the message clear without going into personal details. The reasons for the separation do not concern them,
- For teenagers, a direct exchange with honest answers to their questions is necessary,
- Allow children and teenagers time to process the news and be available to welcome their reactions and answer their questions,
- Provide particularly attentive and comforting listening to difficult children.
Announcing the divorce to family
It is also very important to calmly announce the couple's separation to their parents. Often, parents have a perspective on the situation that differs from yours, and they may have sensed the breakup you are about to announce. Be prepared to manage their emotions and reactions.
Your parents may react based on their own life experiences and may be resistant to your separation. For example, they might have developed a strong friendship with your partner. In this case, your separation will be a loss for them. Parents might also worry about the emotions your children will experience due to the separation.
When announcing the divorce to your family, it is again important to:
- choose the right time and a calm place,
- be respectful of your partner,
- explain your feelings and how they have evolved,
- welcome the emotions and reactions of your parents.
How to effectively manage the period following the divorce announcement
As we have seen, such a decision not only impacts the children and your partner, but also many relationships with your partner's family and mutual friends.
After the announcement, be prepared to welcome not only the emotions and questions of your children but also those of your parents and friends. If your spirits falter, do not hesitate to seek professional help.
The Pomerantz Foundation and children in precarious situations
The Pomerantz Foundation and its partners help hundreds of children in precarious situations. « These children go through tough times due to health problems, physical or intellectual differences, their parents' economic difficulties, and more. Together, we can help them carve out a respectable place in our society. All our small gestures are significant gestures », concludes Terry Pomerantz.
Entrepreneur and prominent figure in Montreal's real estate and manufacturing sectors, Terry Pomerantz approaches every aspect of life with heart and character. At the helm of Domfoam and T.R.A.M.S Property Management, he carries on his late father's legacy while dedicating his philanthropic commitment to the Pomerantz Foundation, which has been actively supporting children's causes since 1991.